Monday, May 27, 2013

Brief Random Interview with a Person of My Choosing

Hello, and welcome to a new feature I like to call... (read Blog Post title above). Sometimes it's hard to think of stuff to write about and sometimes it's easy to think of stuff to write about but it's just hard to write about it in a way that is vaguely interesting to anyone besides myself. I've been toying with this idea for a while and I really think it has the potential to turn into something big. Like if I start out interviewing those poor, unsuspecting people I find nearby and I make them sound really interesting, before I know it, famous people will be knocking down my door trying to get me to interview them on my blog. I mean, that's just one possible outcome. There are others, I'm sure.

So anyway, for the big debut of the Brief Random Interview with a Person of My Choosing, I found the most interesting person I know and I sat her down for an interview. Actually, she was already sitting down so I just started talking to her. She was a little reluctant at first, probably because she was engrossed in a gripping episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. But my instincts told me there was a good story here, so I persisted. And here it is: My conversation with the one and only Martha D.

Me: So Martha, I'm going to interview you for my blog. What do you think of that?

M: Ok.

Me: What's your favorite color?

M: Pink

Me: And what's your favorite food?

M: Croissants

Me: What's the most hilarious thing you've ever seen?

M: Probably on the last episode of iCarly when Spencer lit a towel on fire. (Author's Note: Sincere apologies to those of you who are not familiar with the Nickolodeon channel line-up of shows, which primarily features never-ending episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants peppered with a small selection of bad tween-targeted shows starring 20-something cable tv stars in the roles of young high school students.)

Me: What is your favorite thing about being 10 years old?

M: Being a double-digit age.

Me: Why is that?

M: Ummmmm....... I don't know?

Me: Can you tell me what is so fabulous about having me as your mom?

M: The fact that you give me treats a lot, like tonight when you split the last piece of buttery, grilled bread with me. (Author's Note: To my chagrin, this policy of frequent treat-giving appears to be in conflict with my previous post about weight issues and our efforts towards healthier eating. Author wonders if a reduced tendency to give treats will lessen her popularity with the child. She was expecting the interviewee to report that her mother is just so hilarious and beautiful that every day is the best damn day in the whole wide world. Well, imagine my surprise.)

Me: What is your favorite subject at school?

M: Besides recess?

Me: Um, yeah, preferably.

M: Math. Because I'm good at it.

Me: Do you think that you're good at math because your mom is so brilliant?

M: (Look of confusion passes across Martha's face.) (Dead silence follows.)

Me: Nevermind.

Me: Is there anything else you'd like the world to know about you? Like if you could get up on a big stage and tell everyone something about yourself, what would it be?

M: That I like SpongeBob.
Martha in her girl-cave

Ok, perhaps my interviewing skills need a little work. For instance, it might be better to conduct my interviews without SpongeBob SquarePants on in the background, and this goes for anyone, not just my 10-year old child. That porous little sea creature can be very distracting. Lesson learned. Also, I get the sense that maybe my questions should be more provocative, less egocentric. This is only a guess. (Cue Violent Femmes music.)

Also, I want to advise against the urge to start referring to this feature as the BRIPMC, or Bripmac, because I'm just not really a lingo person. I'm not even good with nicknames. I don't know what it is about my personality that makes me so resistant to the shortening of words and/or names, but I much prefer the long, drawn-out version of things as opposed to worrying that I will sound like a pretentious idiot walking around talking in abbreviations 24/7. Do you see what I mean?

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